He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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