i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I supernannyed him into submission
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
