I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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