thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
