I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
