Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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