my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
