hotel room ftw
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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