after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
