girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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