either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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