I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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