I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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