M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
