it was like eating out sand paper
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
