Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
