tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i drank out of a bidet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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