I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Congratulations! We have a period
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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