Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
