Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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