Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize