so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
