Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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