just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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