dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
