Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
