the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
