When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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