i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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