Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
