Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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