I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
