dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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