i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
