So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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