and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
