apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
