Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
