If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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