my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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