he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
