Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize