last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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