I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
