my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
