she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
