So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
