Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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