did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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