We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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