Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said her name was "party"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
