If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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