Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't turn off my feet"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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