Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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