i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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