you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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