Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
