not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
