Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
