If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
