Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
there is puke in my bra ... again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
