I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
