It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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