Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
